Valley of the Trolley Dollies

“Cold, like a brilliant skyline

Always out of reach

But always in my eyeline”

 

Minus 4 today, yet the car wasn’t iced up. Weird.

I took off my hat - the woolie one with the ear flaps and tie strings on it; It’s a John Rocha, and looks like it might have been hand-knitted by Tibetan Monks on a bet. I think it gives me an ‘alternative,’ ‘arty’ air, whilst, in D’s opinion, “It makes you look like a Sunshine Coach passenger. Please don’t stand beside me when you wear that; people will think I’m f*cking a window-licker.” The air was almost biting cold, pricking my scalp with little needles of frost. And that with almost a month’s worth of hair growth on my head.

Yes, folks, you heard correctly - Mr “#1 on the sides and #2 on top please” has been letting it grow. Well, it’s just too cold right now for a minimalist ‘do.’ But I suspect, this coming weekend, that it’ll come off. It’s beginning to look incredibly messy, and, coupled with the mentalist hat, gives me the look of someone whose community carer doesn’t care enough to take me to the barbers.

In other ‘cold’ news, the head cold is progressing. It’s a little bit of a head-n-chest cold right now, but last night and this morning have shown a marked improvement, with less coughing and sneezing, but an increase in tiredness, which could be down to the virus, or to the fact that I’m, once again, rising at 0545 each morning.

Last nights dinner was a Frugal Feast of Home made Carrot Orange and ginger soup (just a little too spicy, but still amazingly tasty, and, because it’s made with vegetable stock, a vegan dish too), with hot crusty Ciabatta Bread and some amazing cheeses (not so vegan) to follow - including one that was flaky and crumbly and filled with caramelised onions, all adding up to something with an almost bitter sharpness preceding a mouth-filling creaminess and a sweet, rounded oniony finish; but which came from Tesco and has lost its label so I have no idea what the cheese actually was.

TV consisted of two episodes of Heroes, which sort of put paid to my intentions to finish sorting out the Filing Box in the home office (scanning everything I could and shredding as much paper as poss, so I can thin out the junk we store) or of re-starting the Writing Process. Ah well, there’s always tonight.

Oh, the quote is from “Spiralling” by Keane from their “Perfect Symmetry” album, which, together with the Killers latest, is on heavy rotation of late on the pod. Proper, old fashioned, melodic janglypop (what? It’s a real word; look it up…) with nary a trace of a professional dance troupe in sight. Which is very odd for this committed twelve year old girl.

 And on we go…

Well, there it goes; all done.

Christmas and New Year - a strange, coughing sneezing cold-infested couple at that - have come and gone, and we’re back to reality.

We had house guests and parents, and a very nice - if quiet - time was had by all. We saw some theatre, sang along to some carols, and, by and large, managed not to die of TB, or whatever nasty bug has been plaguing the country since mid December.

The 2^nd of January was D’s sisters 40^th Birthday, and saw me, at 11:30pm, curled in the foetal position, shivering and coughing. Not, strangely, because of any bad trip or excessive alcohol consumption, but because I’d finally fallen 9and how) to the march of the Lurgie.

And I’m back at work today - still a stew of germs, but working through it. The plan, this week, is to get up, go to work, go home, go to bed, and try to clear the system of the virus. This means I won’t be consuming the vast quantities of leftover booze (we had a house full of relative t-totallers, combined with the fact that any desire to consume alcohol was cancelled out by the plague we all had at one point or another.

Parents went home yesterday, and I miss them already, but it is sort of nice to get the place back to myself, and start to think about what “Normality” is going to mean this year.

To start, it’s going to mean that I still have a job - in Investment Banking - at a time when thousands of people don’t. It’s a job with an agenda which is largely self-set, which is good too; and it’s one which management have just given me a glowing Review on, and which they’ve assured me will be around - and in demand - for a good time yet. But it’s also going to mean that, whilst I’m still earning a lot of money, it’s a lot less than last year. But you know what? It’s a job, and the shift in focus away from the desperate chasing of ever increasing sums of money means that I can really work on making the Job just that, and consciously make my Life a better, more holistic mix.

One good thing about the job is the way they push the idea of “Working from home.” I’ve made great use of this one in December, what with the prep for Christmas and the parent’s visit. I work just as much, but save on the two hours (minimum) commute each day, as well as being able to pop down and get some household chores done (laundry in the machine, dinner in the oven) and I’m looking forward, this year, to using the WFH idea to make Life even better than it is.

Because it is better: “Glass Half-Full,” is how D’s been describing it. We’ve got some bits and pieces to sort out - the house, by and large, is falling apart around us; springing leaks, overflowing with junk, in need of decorating, but none of these things is life-threatening, and, right now, I have so many things to look forward to. 

Things I’m looking forward to:

(more…)

I’m not looking back any more. Those end-of-year reviews? Not this year. It was a summer filled with fun and love and joy. I never wanted to be 40 (it’s ancient, really, isn’t it?), but the alternative seemed a little less palatable. And the summer - the garden party, the regattas, the dinners and the dressing up and the whole unmitigated joy and love (I said that already, didn’t I) was wonderful. As was the September trip to NY with my parents. I finally rediscovered how much I loved writing, and being around writers, and the two classes I took on my fiction writing have made me feel like this is something I NEED to do - not just would like to, or would enjoy daydreaming about: I NEED to write and get published. Not for the money; not for the validation - I know I’m a good writer - but because in some way, to do anything else feels almost like constant masturbation without orgasm - always straining towards something, and never really doing anything more than wanking in front of the computer.

But large swathes of the rest of 2008 have been pretty shit, to be honest. Deaths. Friends in legal trouble. Friends getting sick. Worry and fear and stress as the finanical carpet on which our lives rest  began to unravel beneath our feet. Culminating in the feeling that I simply couldn’t cope and a terrible depression that just felt like a big black wet rubber blanket being thrown over my head: No escape, no hope, nothing to be done.

Bollocks. So far this week: The heating packed up. The shower died. I heard strong rumours that my financial future may be severely affected by the current financial conditions in my industry.

It’s not gonna matter. I’m not gonna let it. Head up. You’re bigger and stronger than all of this. You have beautiful people and beautiful things around you, the voices say; and I have a decent brain and wit and some talents, and a huge amount of things to look forward to.

And that’s what I’m doing: looking forward. Letting go of an annus horibilis (no, not you Carlie). More of that to come…

For now, the one little bit of looking back is the list of musics from 08 that I am looking forward to blasting out of the speakers into ‘09.

In no particular order:

This is Alphabeat - Alphabeat (who, I’m told, have been dumped by their record co. WTF)

 

 

Discipline – Janet Jackson (her best pop album in a long time; shame it tanked)

Somewhere in the real world – Vanessa Amorosi (it just rocks)

Let it Go – Will Young (his best album, IMHO. Again, shame it seems to be tanking)

Way to Normal – Ben Folds (well, a third of it; the bit that’s not filled with bitterness and negativity)

 

Funhouse – Pink (cos it’s fun and raucous)

 

 

And Winter Came – Enya (Cos it’s Enya. And she’s not U - Fucking - 2!)

The Alesha Show – Alesha Dixon (Cos it’s nice to see a fresh(ish) face on the scene. And Xenomania have done the works with her - check out Cinderella Shoe)

Circus – Britney Spears (Cos she is loopy, isn’t she. Let’s see: Child star? Check. Biggest hit had her dressed up as a little girl? Check. Bad mother? Check. Drug fiend? Check? Boozehoud? Chec? Unsuitable / unstabel husband? Check? Bad relationship with at least one of her parents? Check. Liza Minelli’s mother? Oh, wait… Apart from that one, she’s bascially Judy fuckign Garland, isn;t she? Yay!)

The Circus - Take That (Because the inclusion of the definitve article makes for a very different album - one of their finest, frankly, if a little ‘grown up’ - and proves they are not crazed, drink-drug befuddled bad mothers with career trajectories like Lorna Luft’s old ma. Though Robbie may rejoin them next year…)

C’mon – Keith Anderson (’Cos Country can be wonderful, and Keith - of whom I know nothing other than I love his album from front to back, and he’s not too bad on the eys neither - is a prime example)

Metropolis: The Chase Suite – Janelle Monae (’Cos It’s Genius. Psycho-Bladerunner-Hey Ya Crazyness. Like Michael Jackson should be doing. She’s getting a UK launch next yr. Should be good.)

Backwoods Barbie – Dolly Parton (’Cos it’s Dollie. And it’s got lovely tunes, great lyrics, and a cover of “She drives me crazy” that almost improves on the original!)

Spotlights and Catfights – Sugababes (Never had a SB album. Never wanted one. Then this one came along - filled with hit after hit after hit. Except it’s tanking. Boo! The curse of Derek strikes again.)

Hurricane – Grace Jones (Cos It’s Grace. And because “Williams’ Blood” alone - lifting the veil on the aloof icon and showing her human side - is worth the cost fo the whole thing).

Alchemy: GST Reloaded – Ultra Nate. (For playing loudly through headphones whilst running. It CAN NOT be beaten!)