Archive for the ‘mad to work here...’ Category

schadenfreude

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

Schadenfreude is defined as “largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate.”

Well, nothing could really be more appropriate than this chain of events, really.

Major old player in the world financial system is diying. Another major old player swoops in to buy the bits of the carcas that are still viable, but has to act quickly, as the host is fading fast.

Potential New Owner (PNO) recognises (as so many who have been complaining lately about the salaries and bonuses paid to bankers have failed to) that a bank is, essentially, worthless without the talented people who can differentiate it from the dozens of identikit competitors engaged in the same crap shoot. (And dont start on the “How talented do you have to be to lose billions of dollars. Just ask Michael Cimino David Lynch or George Lucas how talented you need to be to make huge profits for ages then piss it all away when the wind changes).

PNO decides that they need to ensure that the Best talent in the dying beast don’t jump ship. PNO engages Headhunter to ensure they keep the talent they want.

Headhunter, some months later presents bill for 25% of the first years salaries of the staff they obtained for the New Owner. Said 25% comes to a tidy Ninety Million Pounds. You do the maths; I’m too busy weeing my pants with laughter…

For recruiting staff at a time when the entire world was awash with unemployed bankers.

“Negotiations” follow, which the HeadHunter records for posterity.

Read the article, and tell me you don’t experience a certain degree of schadenfreude…

Highlights: “hire Riccardo, if he was key to getting the others, and then get rid of him in six months’ time”.

Nomura “couldn’t get rid of Barry as he was the only European who knew how to deal with the Japanese”.

Ms Sutton is alleged to have said that Nomura’s senior people in London felt “shafted” by Tokyo’s senior managers.

 

 

mafia wedding

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

 

 

I have just realised that today’s choice of Work Costume - a black slim fitting pinstripe suit with gold lining, a skinny black shirt and a Neon Blue versace Tie with Gold Medusa head repeat pattern may be more Mafia Wedding than Merchant Banking, but am comforting myself that, whilst I may be in an industry filled with crooks, where vast sums of money are made by dubious means and those who fail are often dropped into the drink with yesterday’s over-optimistic Profit n Loss predictions, nobody, to date, has tried to shoot me in the head whilst I ate dinner.

To date….

Tips for Top earners # 1

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

the trading room, yesterday afternoon

the trading floor, yesterday afternoon

With the news that big bank profits are back, and we can all look forward to vast bonuses and a reinstatement of the universal equilibrium this year, I have taken time out of laughing like a loon whilst sodomising third world children to post the following from my lair in a hollowed out volcano in Canary Wharf:

 

“For immediate release:”

Decadence is back. Tips for Top earners # 1.

Have you ever had pate de foie gras smeared all over your erect member, a thumbful of quince jelly plopped on top of your, er, cathedral dome, and the whole lot licked slowly and sensuously off by a young gourmand as the heat of your throbbing parts turn the foie gras to a buttery richness?

I highly recommend it. Especially with a nice meursault to follow.