Valley of the Trolley Dollies

I’m not sure, but this link might have the new ‘Nana single at the end of it.

I like it. Is it cool? No; but since when have the nana’s been about ‘cool’? Is it autotuned beyond words? Um, sadly yes - the danger of a seriously bum note was always one of the thrills of a ‘rama record. Is it wave your bottle of poppers aloud in a tent at a suburban gay pride ‘festival’? Clearly: Which makes it fantastic. Will it be a commercial success? I have no idea - I’m older than 16 and therefore have no right to an opinion on what should or shouldn’t chart in the popular music charts. But what I do know is that the “Drama” album - several years after release - is still on my ipod play charts from time to time. Pop, pure and simple, without pretention; and all the better for it.

Many years ago, I used to post on a forum called “Popb*tch,” a site filled with scurrilous gossip and, quite frankly, celebrity slander.

I once posted a story about a gak-crazed Quincy Jones beating the living shit out of Michael Jackson, whilst screaming “No squeaks, motherfucker!” During the recording of Billie Jean.

Jacko (pre-”Whacko”) had been insisting on inserting his burgeoning repertoir of clicks and squeaks into what Q had decreed would be a minimalist track. After six coke-fuelled hours of recording, the passive aggressive refusal of the then Prince of Pop had slowly but surely swelled to open revolt, and every take was, in Quincy’s eyes, ruined by the “Whoops and Fuckin’ Yelps,” til the situation exploded into physical violence.

After Quincy had finished beating the living daylights out of Mike, the tall, skinny figure stood, walked shakily over to the microphone, and performed the song, straight through, in one take, with nothing but the lyrics.

And it was shit. Quincy had to admit that Jackson’s original vocal take had had some merit after all, and the track went down in history, proving to Jackson that maybe he did, after all, know his onions.

By the time “Bad” came out, Jackson was a co-producer, and taking an increasing share of the recording duties (not, imho, always a good thing) and by “Dangerous,” of course, Quincy was no more, and the vocal stylings were almosto ut of control - beatboxing, clicks, whirrs, sobs, gulps, the works.

The story was entirely fabricated. Not a word of truth in it, but it still showed up in yesterdays Guardian reappraisal of the “Dangerous” album, where it was stated that “Quincy Jones once allegedly shouted, “No squeaks, motherfucker!” during the recording of Thriller.”

I love that use of the word alleged. It says “This is a fact, but one of the participants is still alive an could be a touch litigious.” If it doesn’t, why even use the story? Why not make your own entirely fictitious one up?

Facts, my friends, are whatever people want to believe…