movember
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 
Archive for November, 2008
haggling
Monday, November 24th, 2008Oh for the love of God! Is there nothing that you can’t haggle down in a credit curnch?
meme
Thursday, November 20th, 2008Got this from Sticky Crow, who answered it himself, so I thought I’d have a go. And guess what? It’s my first meme. How odd…
1. Is there anyone on your blogroll you would have sex with?
Obviously.
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Morning. Every time.
3. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
I have been a passenger in cars that have had to pull over to the side of the road to allow me to puke. However, the last time that happened was 1988. Does ancient History count? Anyways, this proves I’m either less of an alkie than I was then, or my tolerance levels are building…
4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No, but I’ve frequently taken them off for admiration. Like I always say, if you got it, Flaunt it Baby, Flaunt it!
5. Shower or bath while having sex?
Shower, then another after. Then lots of catholic guilt and a spritz of self-loathing. Or something.
6. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Alive is nice. Lively is better. Other than that, a nice variety of driving and being driven is good. Just so long as they don’t either (a) lie there crying (I’ve had that; it’s not good) or b) start off with the Filthy porn chat “Uh, you like that b1tch, don’t you” which is also weird when said in a squeaky Scottish accent by a man who looks like one of the seven dwarves.
7. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
I love all my friends.
8. Love or Money?
Love. But leave a fifty on the dresser when you’re done.
9. Credit cards or cash?
Credit cards, of course. What are you? A pinko commie!!!
10. Have you ever wanted a best friend?
No. I currently have several. What an odd question.
11. Camping or a 5 star hotel?
5 star hotel. Do I look like a refugee?
12. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Up the arse. What?
13. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)?
No. I have a funny shaped head. The elongated skull and pronounced underbite would make me resemble Sigourney Weaver’s nemesis in Aliens. I’m so not selling myself here, am I?
14. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Oh sweetheart, I’ve been in banking for twenty years. I have owned stripclubs. But the simple answer: Yes. Of both persuasions.
15. Ever been to a bar?
Oh sweetheart, I’ve been an alcoholic for twenty-five years. I have owned bars. But the simple answer: Yes. But never sober.
16. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
No, strangely enough. I’m a nice drunk, usually.
17. Ever been so drunk someone else had to carry you?
I refer you to #3 above.
18. Had sex in a movie theatre?
Yus.
19. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yus.
20. Have you ever had sex at work?
Eeew. No. Thing about work is: you start the job and see a hot little number you like the look of. But, within weeks, you’ve seen HLN at his best and worst, and the combination – plus the contempt that familiarity brings – has always managed to suppress any desire I may have to stick my dick in the pickle slicer*. (* old joke; get your mother to tell it to you).
21. Ever been to an adult store?
Aren’t all stores open to adults? Do you mean a sex shop? I have, in my time, been in one or two of those emporia. Thankfully, the question “Ever been kicked out of a sex shop?” is not on the list. Is it?
22. Bought something from an adult store?
Well, ‘twould be rude not to, wouldn’t it. Although I hate having to bring the stuff back later and say “When I sobered up I realised I had no idea what it is, or what it does. Could you demonstrate?” I mean, how embarrassing is that?
23. Have you been caught having sex?
Yes, my nipple ring got caught in the soapdish once. Is that not what you meant?
24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
The national gallery, national enquirer, and Irish Nation. Other than that, and considering my usual state of inebriation, quite possibly half the population of Greater London. But, like I always say, if you got it, Flaunt it Baby, Flaunt it!
25. Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
I called “Sneezy,” instead of “Doc!” (See # 6 above).