Valley of the Trolley Dollies

Dear Christina Aguilera,

I know that these are worrying times. I’m fully aware that someone like yourself might just be laying awake at night worrying about the signs that suggest that the Big Voiced Young Diva (BVYD) might just be going the way of the Overstaffed Kids Pop Band, what with Brit Brit turning into a cross between The guy from Powder, the dude from Kate Moss’s womb, and the Devil from Tasmania; with Bouncey Beyonce struggling to make any impact with her latest album (despite it including one of the most infectious songs this year), and being outshone in Her Movie by a girl who, whilst seeming to have the credentials to be one of a new wave of BVYD’s, is actually (at this point) missing some of what would make her a D, and, by the time she gets it, may not be quite so Y; with Kelly Clarkson appearing to be reconsidering whether she really wants to be Mariah Carey, when the post of Karaoke Pat Benatar might be going free, and the Simpson girl who was married to the fit one out of 98 degrees (who I ssoooooooo would. Until his legs fell of, at which point I’d shove castors on him and use him as a footstool) realising that even showing off her lady parts whilst transversing several octaves is no help when the song’s having as much trouble finding a hook or tune as Lady Lucan is having finding her Husband.

(more…)

Et Tu Brutus?

My mother has smoked almost her entire adult life. Truth be told, she was probably smoking before maturity. And my brother and I have been nagging her to give up for as long as we can remember. Not because we claim any moral superiority over her, but because we could see how ill it was making her.

I never asked just how many-a-day the habit was, figuring that knowing numbers wouldn’t reduce my concern any. The daily shopping, -Eddies the grocer, Paddy the butcher - always included a trip to the other Paddy: Paddy the tobacconist. His shop, a relic from the dark ages, seemed perpetually bare, unlit, cold. It was a place where addicts went to purchase their requirements. Why waste time or money on decor? The customers would come regardless. (more…)