Valley of the Trolley Dollies

 She Dreams of Simon.

Every night, it seems, in January. Conceived in April, after an Easter service, he would have been born in the dark dismal month after Christmas

Her first born son.

Then, when Sophia awakes, Simon is gone. Her husband is stirring, the suffocating darkness surrounding her, so that only by focussing on the glowing numerals of the bedside clock can she stave off the panic.

“I’ve been buried alive,” her brain sparks. It’s not a thought, not coherent enough for that, and it takes a fluttering breath’s space for the panic to waft across her and disperse.

Then the alarm goes off and, wordlessly, she rises, as her husband, with a wave of his arm, quiets the noise.

How long has he been awake, she wonders. Has he, too, been staring into the vacuum, seeking to avoid unanswerable questions.

Or has he been dreaming? And what does he dream of? Does Tom Dream of a Son that Never Was? Or does he dream of something else? Of flight, perhaps: of consigning the past and present to another existence?

She’s seen it: The look. Is this it?
And now he’s gone, and the girls are upstairs packing for school, their squabbling audible over the noise from the brightly dancing kitchen TV. She rinses the flake-encrusted bowls before placing them in the dishwasher, turning the dial - clickclickclick.

“Muuuuummm! Where’s my Gym kit?”

“Wherever you left it. Try the airing cupboard.”

Unanswerable questions.
Is this all there is?
Simon.

 

She places the cutlery, each piece consciously put to its pre-designated place; next, the milk and butter go to the fridge, the jam and the cornflakes in the cupboard, and she hears the Beep.

“Girls!”

Carolyn and Nancy tumble down the stairs, all gangly limbs and static electricity. They run to the kitchen, Nancy snatches a spare piece of toast, and they flee.

 

And the room; the house; the world empties out.

 

Sophia switches off the TV, sits at the barren table in the room – in the house – devoid of purpose; and, as always in January, She Dreams of Simon.

 

In light of yesterday’s comments by certain people, this Courtesy of Dan Savage:

Posted by DAN SAVAGE at 04:38 PM

update re Ruth Kelly’s ministerial portfolio
From today’s Guardian: “The education secretary, Alan Johnson, today confirmed reports that the Catholic church has lost its battle for special treatment over gay adoption rules.”

There’s a much bigger post* in me on the whole topic of allowing “The Gays” to adopt, but it’s not coming out yet, ‘cos it’s not quite ready

However, how nice to see reason prevail.

Some choice quotes from the article: “Tony Blair and the communities secretary, Ruth Kelly [a prominent Catholic and member of Opus Dei as well as being Minister for Women and - for God’s sake - Equality! Isn’t that a bit like making Ayatollah Ali Sistani the minister in charge of licensing pubs and distilleries] - … were said to be sympathetic to the concerns of the Catholic church. No shit. A woman who’s a member of a Catholic Sect that, along with the larger club run by Benny the Nazi, views homosexuality as “A sin and a source of evil,” isn’t keen on letting the evil sinners lose on Kids. What. The. Fuck?

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