Valley of the Trolley Dollies

So everyone knows I work for a large Japanese Bank. One of the world’s largest, in fact, with assets so large they’d make Jeff Stryker jealous.

Well, it’s coming up on year end, and, as always happens at this time of year, I’m fishing around for goals for next year. What do I really want to do? For myself? For the teams I manage? For the company as a whole? How can we start the year with fresh impetus to move forward instead of treading the increasingly brackish water that we’ve been treading for some considerable time now.

For me: I’d like, maybe, for the company to suggest how valuable I am by, maybe, agreeing to pay for my subscription to a professional magazine - Futures & Options World, maybe, or RISK. Something that allows me to keep up to date with the industry that I’m such a playa in… Hell, I’ll even take the Economist (Cost: Seventy-Five Quid a year). The fact I’m even having to ask and don’t have the authority to simply sign for it says volumes about where I actually am in this organisation.

No dice. Nada. Not a ‘No,’ just a large vacuum, followed by an email containing lots of links to free sites that offer ‘financial news.’ OK, we see where this is going: I’m worth enough to be sent the business equivalent of a kitten hugging a labrador email - something that says “I took the time to click ‘forward’ on this, but only ‘cos it cost me nothing. But you’re really loved and respected.”

So I recall that, in the past, certain members of staff in my NY and HK offices have obtained MSc’s, and such like, that have been largely paid for by the company. It;s a way for the company to tie an employee to them, whilst both sides of the equation get a developed, smarter, more motivated and far more capable employee. It’s, you would think, a win-win situation.

I email my boss in NY, who emails back…

“As far as you returning to school, if you think you can deal go for it. I’m not sure I would be able to deal with studying and tests. In NY, we have a tuition reimbursement program. It is not the best, but for an A we reimburse 75%. I’m sure something must exist in the UK. Check it out. ”

Of course, with my luck, nothing of the sort exists in UK. I’m such a cockeyed pessimist sometimes, really. And for no reason. I’ve only spent thirteen years here. HR, when asked, come back with this:

“Shown below is the company’s policy on reimbursement of expenses for professions examinations. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Zelda

“4.9 Professional Examinations

The Company strongly encourages employees to enter for professional examinations relevant to their work. Employees who, with prior approval from the Managing Director, enter professional examinations relevant to their work may claim from the Company 75% of the enrolment, tuition and examination fees, including the cost of suitable textbooks, to a maximum of £450.00 per annum in any one case.

In the event that an employee resigns within six months of taking examinations sponsored by the Company, the Company reserves the right to reclaim up to 50% of any costs incurred.“

I was so wrong. I can get that BSc after all. I can educate and motivate myself, develop myself as a person and as a better manager, and maybe, after all, the organisation does value it’s employees, if it’s willing to give them…hang on…

That’s not 45 grand. It’s not even 4,500. It’s four hundred and fifty pounds. Seventy-five percent of whatever I spend on the entire enrolment, tuition and examination fees, including the cost of suitable textbooks, gets me £450.

So, all I need to do is find a BSc that comes in, all included, at less than six hundred quid, and, not only am I sorted, but they’ll own me for six months after it.

Ah well. I keep trying to find reasons to like this place, and like clockwork, it keeps knocking me back. But nothing lasts forever. And as everyone’s favourite baby-snatcher (the recipient, apparently of an ASBO telling her to keep away from the push chairs at Marylebone Waitrose) so aptly puts it:

“There’s only so much you can learn in one place

The more that I wait, the more time that I waste”…

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 16th, 2006 at 1:44 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.